my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
