I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
