Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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