It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
