i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
