some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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