dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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