White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
