YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Who died my cat blue again?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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