i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
