It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
