based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
