I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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