Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
