I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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