I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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