Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
