I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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