apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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