I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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