She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
