well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
