I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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