so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
