I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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