Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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