i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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