Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
