Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I believe in your delicious
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
jump out the window naked night went bad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
