Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
