She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
