i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
