My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
smell my finger.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
