I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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