I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
