Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
