found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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