her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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