so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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