So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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