I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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