Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
