Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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