Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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