I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
