True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
