dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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