someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
