I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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