Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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