I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
