All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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